Blessings-- broken down and overflowing

Someone recently posted on one of my blogs from before I left. In my previous post, I was listing off some of my day to day blessings that I was going to miss and probably took for granted. The recent message I received asked, "Mary Lee, you have been gone almost 8 months now. How are you coping without these things?"

I have been thinking about it, and I have a few thoughts. I definitely took those things for granted. Day-in and day-out I was SO incredibly blessed and while I thought I acknowledged it, I now look back and see how I was blessed beyond measure and overlooked it so often. I also look back with regret at people I hurt and relationships I took for granted. Not that I am a saint now, but I do think I was more selfish than I would have liked to be.

So as to the question, "How am I coping without those things?" Well, I do miss some of them still. But on the other hand, God has blessed me so abundantly, I have a hard time looking at any area of my life and seeing lack. I do look at all areas of my life and see abundance. As a friend put it, "I may not have all I want, but I have all I need and so much more than I deserve."

This year I have really come to the realization that our God is a God of abundance. He wants us to live life to the fullest. And he created us to love and be loved. To be first and foremost in relationship with him. We were created to fully rely on him, and this is his greatest desire. It is only in fully relying on him that he can lavish us with the life he created us for! Ok, ok. I know that may sound holier-than-thou or pie-in-the-sky, but just stay with me for a minute....

This year has been tough. It's challenged me more than any other person, event, activity or achievement in my life. But in that heat, I was (and am continuing to be) refined. My team wakes up early. We put in 10-12 hour days of intense ministry. Each and everyday we encounter a new group of kids. Our energy has to be high. We have to be positive. No matter what. That retreat, while it might be our 50th, is those kids first. Even if we have done that drama, skit, game or talk 20 times before, it is that kids ONLY shot to hear/experience it. And, I am not bragging, but I will say that we do a GREAT job. Each person on the team puts forth 100% effort. We "do our best and let God do the rest" (as Paul says). Then we head home for dinner and hanging out with our host families before crashing into bed and starting it all over again.

On top of all that, we grow in relationship with each other. Imagine spending LITERALLY 24 hours a day with 8 other VERY different people. The only thing you have in common is a love of Jesus. Beyond that, you are different ages, nationalities, cultures, family-backgrounds, personalities, etc. And you never get away from each other. You wake up next to a teammate. Share the bathroom, get picked up and ride to retreat together. Work together at retreat, pray together, drive home together, get dropped off together, eat together, get ready for bed and pray together, then lay down and sleep beside each other. You don't even go to the bathroom alone when you are at schools because of child protection laws... :) But because of your love of Jesus, you love each other. This year is about choosing. Our choice is all we have to give. That was God's gift to us. Freewill. In layman's terms, freewill=our choice.

BUT... as scripture says, the worker earns his wage. This year we have never once gone hungry. Sometimes that means canned tuna or sausages for days in a row, but sometimes it means steaks or delicious homecooked asian cuisine. We've never longed for a place to sleep, and have always had a home and family to come home to. There have been moments of lonliness, but the relationships and "divine appointments" from this year I wouldn't trade for the world. Also, being separated from everything familiar has given me a chance to focus on what really matters. And to really rely on Jesus, the Holy Spirit and the Father. God has blessed me so abundantly!

So, we recently had a team prayer where we listed off those people we would like to pray for. People who have touched our lives in ways they will never know or understand. People we can never repay, other than to pray for them. My list was LONG. But I will give you a few below. And I want to take a second to say thank you. Again. Because you have changed my life. And empowered me to change others' lives this year. So God bless you.

A List of People I Want To Pray for Daily and/ who I am Grateful For but Will Never Be Able to Repay (in no particular order, and with specific names excluded-- there was a LONG list of those too!):

Mom, Dad and Kari
Mama, Papa, Aunt Esther, and Aunt Bebe
My team
My sponsors
My host families
The retreatants
Everyone who wrote to me while I was over here
People who read my blog and posted or emailed me
The kids who came to retreat with an open attitude and made mingling at the beginning of the day so easy.
Kids who affirmed us at the end of the day and told us how much we affected them.
Netters from years past, who did an awesome job and left the kids wanting more, setting a precident for us this year.
St. Louis Catholic Church, Fellowship Baptist Church, Good Shepherd Catholic Church, East Hill Baptist Day Camp, and First Baptist Church of Chipley-- the members and counselors from these 5 places played a significant role in forming my faith.
Good Shepherd CORE Team 1998-now
People who pray for me daily
People I have hurt who I can never make amends to or ask forgiveness from
Youth from Little Flower and Good Shepherd who were there when I was helping with Youth Ministry
Youth of Good Shepherd and Pens-Tally Diocese when I was in youth group.
Seniors at the Tallahassee Senior Center
Professors from UWF's school of communication.
Past colleagues who have supported and encouraged me
All those who planted seeds in my heart and all those who watered them along the way (teachers, counselors, friends, family, etc.)

So, perhaps this answers the question of how I am coping without these blessings. Or, to summarize: I have Jesus. And in that, I lack nothing.