Gettin Ready for the Road

Well, as you can see, the sun in the "sunburned country" is working its magic on me. Even with sunscreen, you can see I am a bit brownish-red. Sorry for the timme between updates. We began retreats and the past two weeks have been full on. This Tuesday we will finally leave Brissie and start our journey West. We celebrated our 10th retreat a couple of days ago. It was a bit crazy as it seems like we have done so many more. It's hard to believe we have only done 10! Of course, that is about 1,000 kids, 50 contacts and teachers, and LOTS of time traveling in the van, so perhaps that is why it seems like its been a lot more.

When we leave Brissie we will head along the coast line. Our first stop is Coff's Harbour, where we have another local team. We will be staying with them, so that is very exciting. We will have a couple of retreats and a good bit of travel this coming week. I was approved to drive the van a couple of days ago, and took my first drive through the city that day. It went really well and I am feeling very comfortable. You'd think it might be tough to remember to drive on the left side of the road, but in traffic it's fairly easy. You just follow the flow. It's a bit more concentration at 5 am when there's no one on the road, but all in all, it's good. They have most roads marked really well... I guess they figure they get a lot of tourists.

I cannot emphasize enough how wonderful the people here are. Just so generous and kind. Our host homes for the past 4 weeks have been amazing. My most recent "host brother" has been teaching me cricket. And I gave handball and rugby a go the other day at retreat. My goal is to be a pro by the time I get home!

We are headed to Adelaide, where we will be for several weeks, including Easter. We will be driving through Sydney and Melbourne but not staying there. Those will be in our second half of the year and World Youth Day. Keep WYD in your prayers. For the safety of all the pilgrims coming here and for all the youth here. They are anticipating twice as many people as the Sydney Olympics. They have rented every port-a-loo in Australia for the week. And they have said that the busses for Australian travelers alone, if lined up on the highway, would stretch from Sydney to Melbourne. So, please pray for safety in travel and that everyone would be joyful, because it will be a bit chaotic!

The retreats are going well. They are full on, but it's awesome to see God working. I feel so humbled and blessed to get to have this time to see him in all his power and glory. And the kids are so amazing. There is a portion of the day where we pray with the youth, and nearly everyday I am humbled almost to the point of tears as it is happening. You can feel the Spirit moving. It's incredible.

I feel like God has really been showing me lately how much of a spiritual battle the world is in. That while we are standing here in our flesh, there are angels and demons battling it out all around us. It's a battle for souls. He has really been showing me the importance of prayer and how I can do nothing on my own. If all I do isn't centered in him, it's worthless. It's such a struggle because we live in the flesh. And I find myself wondering, when things bug me, why it is SO hard to die to the flesh. To die to my pride or my desires. In my heart and mind I know what I want, but it's still such a challenge. There is even a scripture from Paul that says that. I know I want to do good, yet still I do what I hate. It's just interesting.

The team is having a blast. We are getting along so well and the laughter in the van is beautiful. We have started to have a lot of goofy jokes and I really look forward to our drives to and from retreat. I uploaded some pictures onto facebook to share, so have a look. I tried to use flickr, but I forgot my account information. Oops!

Check it out! http://fsu.facebook.com/album.php?aid=2385803&l=ebdd1&id=5214104

Valentine's Day!!

Tonight was awesome. While V-day is just beginning in the states, it has come and almost gone here. Our amazing brothers (the guys on our team) did a special honouring for us tonight. When we got in the van to go home, we drove a bit. Then they stopped the car, got out, and blindfolded us girls. We drove a bit more, the five girls blindfolded, and finally they stopped the car. They led us up a hill in the blindfolds, took us to this railing and told us to open our eyes. It was INCREDIBLE! We took off the blindfolds to find ourselves standing at the highest point in Brisbane over looking the city. The sun was setting, and it was absolutely gorgeous. They did so good!! After we took in the city and a bunch of photos, they took us into a grassy area for a picnic of junk food-- chips, chocolate and cokes! Sounds goofy, but its a special treat to get that kinda stuff here since everything is so expensive. We all had a great time and then looked out on the city with the lights coming on for the evening. Glorious!!! Thank you wonderful guys!! You're the best!

On a side note, to help you appreciate the gesture, thought I'd give you an idea of how expensive lollys (aka candy, chocolate, gum) can be here. I think it is because Petrol (aka gas) is so expensive ($1.49 a Liter). Plus there is this weird situation with one of their grocery stores becoming a monopoly and driving prices up. But yes, those are packs of gum for $2.50.

Natty, WHAT?!?!

Natty WHAT! This is the cry of the team when celebrating... Please keep our team in your prayers. I am attaching some pics of my team, known as Natty 08 (National Team 2008). They shorten EVERYTHING here. There is one group shot with all 9 of us. And then there are a few other shots of us individually.

Rosie (17, from Brissy, Aus) , me and Janette (21, from Ragina, Can)

James (29, from Ottawa, Can, my co-team leader) and me

Lauren (19, from Houston, TX, USA) and me

Angela (22, from Montana, USA) and me
On the left Adam (17, from Brissy, Aus) and in the middle David (19, from Brissy, Aus)

Mikey (19, from Christs Church, NZ) and James


All of us! David, Adam, James and Mikey,

Angela, ML, Rosie, Janette and Lauren!

I am also attaching a couple of goofy shots of folks that aren’t on my team. They were from Australia Day (Jan 26). We all dressed up in yellow and green and then also in the Aussie Flags. Very different than the states—to honor Oz, they wear the flags around their necks and waists. Crazy, eh?

Me with my hair braided. Lauren on my team is a hair braiding guru. She plans to give me corn rows soon.

There is a shot of my “dorm room” area at the camp—scary how messy it was. You shoulda seen the whole place.

There is also a shot of a volleyball game we had while at Camp. We had to get funky, so we got some war paint.
There is a shot of the “warning signs” that you find on the beaches, just for fun

A shot from one van of two of the other vans. That is what we will be traveling in this year.

This is a shot from just yesterday when we found this HUMOUNGOUS spider in the bathroom, right as I was getting ready to use it. Um, yeah. There really are tons of snakes, spiders, etc randomly roaming here.

So, I hope you enjoy these pics! :) Also, we completed our first two retreats as a team today. One yesterday (Mon) and one today. They were challenging but wonderful. I will write more on them later, but for now, I guess the biggest thing is just how Jesus continues to humble all of us by working with these youth, despite all of our shortcomings. He is so amazing. I am in awe. Please pray for us, as this will be a wonderful yet tiring year! Miss you all and love you. me

Back in Brissy

Back in Brissy

So, as of this past Tuesday, we are back in Brisbane. I am sorry for not having written in a while. I have had very limited access to the internet. I decided that what I will do, since I do have my computer with me, is write updates more regularly and then just post them whenever I have access to the net. So, I may be posting several updates at once in the future.

So, since I last wrote, a lot has happened. We have had a few changes made to our team, so there are now 9 of us—3 Americans, 2 Canadians, 3 Aussies and 1 Kiwi. 4 guys and 5 gals. This is the smallest National Team they have ever had. Typically there are 12 on team. So, needless to say, we will be working harder and longer than other teams in the past, but we are up for the challenge. We finished up our training at the Camp, and have spent this week in Brisbane doing practice retreats. Starting this Monday will be our first retreat, so please keep us and the retreatants in your prayers.

Tonight (Saturday evening) was our Commissioning Mass. It was incredible! The Archbishop of Brisbane said mass, prayed with us, and sent us forth. I was honoured to be asked to speak on behalf of the Net Team in response to our commissioning. So I gave a short speech on behalf of all our teams thanking the Archbishop and sharing with him how excited and committed we are to this mission. I was a bit nervous, hoping that I would do our teams justice. But, the Holy Spirit gave me some great words, and I was humbled to be His vessel. The whole evening was beautiful and full of the Spirit, and it was a great note to be sent off on.

So tomorrow, we have our first team day. This is where we get together as a team, have team prayer and just get to hang out and have fun. We do team prayer daily for 45 minutes, but this one is more relaxed as it doesn’t follow a retreat or training. J The plan is to head to SouthBank—a park/metro type area to hang out, play some sport and sun a bit. I am really excited to have a day down to just relax.

I reached a point yesterday where I really just wanted a bit of time to myself. I have been surrounded by others since I arrived a month ago, and I guess, with spending so much time in prayer and focusing on the teachings of Jesus, a ton of stuff has been stirring in my heart. It’s hard because there are some days when I will be overwhelmed by some revelation, but then I have to go on all day working on retreat stuff. All day it will nag at my mind, but I cannot sit down and put time into fully working it all out in my head and heart. So the past few weeks have been this way. I can only compare it to trying to read 15 books at once. You lose the plot on some because there are so many going on at once. It makes me wonder if this is what it is like being a contemplative or cloistered. I have always wondered what people who took vows of silence or lived outside the world thought about. Perhaps God just reveals soo much to them, it takes a whole lifetime of thinking and praying to get it all worked out.

Some of the areas that God has been speaking to my heart about… and I can’t really tell you much more about it at this point other than there are dozens of tornados going on inside me as I try to sort it all out…

1. Sexuality. And not strictly in a sexual sense, but more – how God created us male and female. Different yet equal. To be help mates to each other. And how our sexuality, or our masculinity and femininity are so core to who we are. They are what makes us who we are. They dictate our desires, our roles, our goals in life. And how society often devalues both masculinity and femininity, rather than honouring both for what they bring to our lives. And I believe that in this happening, we have somehow forgotten to honour each other. We have become critical of each other and fear not being enough or being too much, so we temper our true selves. And the result of this also leads to devaluing of physical intimacy. And in this devaluing, we continue to use and wound each other, ultimately leaving us feeling empty rather than fulfilled.

2. Fullness of Life. What does it mean to lead a fulfilling life? What brings fullness of life? Where do we find it and once we do, how do we maintain it? How do we live the principles of holiness in a world that is often calling us to put ourselves first? How can we make a difference and matter, yet remain completely humble and die to self?

3. Transformation. If I come over here and I realize that, even though I was trying to live as a good Christian, I always fell short, how do I change without being seen as a hypocrite? Without people saying, “Yeah, she talks a big talk, but when she was here, she didn’t live that way.” I would say that has been one of my greatest struggles while here. Is realizing that even though I thought I lived a pretty good life, I was falling WAY short everyday. And in a way, there is a fear of returning to my life when this experience is over. Because I don’t yet know how to mesh the two—my life in Tallahassee and my life here. And man, it is humbling to write on this blog, because each time I do, I worry that someone out there is reading it and thinking me a hypocrite. And if they did, it would be justified. But all I can say is that, in every moment I try to keep growing. I cannot change what I have done in the past, and I will continue to make mistakes in the future. All I can do is ask forgiveness and try my best to make amends for the things I have done.

4. Speech. The power of speech to build up and to tear down. And how much time I spent talking and saying nothing. Or saying nothing lifegiving. I am surprised at how quiet I can be over here. When I stop talking and when so much busyness and noise is removed, I can actually hear His voice. And it leaves me silent. They have talked so much about the sin of gossip over here, and how it divides, tears down and hurts others. Even when you are trying to tell someone something in the hope that you are helping another. i.e. “Please pray for X as they are having a hard time back home.” Even that is no one’s business. And because we come from so many different places, small talk can be difficult. Really, the only thing we ALL have in common is encountering Jesus. So when you sit down and talk to someone and there is no small talk or talk about another, it means one thing… there is only one place to go and that is deep. It’s tough. It means often as we get to know each other there is much vulnerability. It’s a challenge to put your heart out there. People are human and you know it’s bound to get hurt somewhere along the way. But I believe that is what God wants of us. Especially us as women. To bring beauty to the world by sharing our hearts. To hopefully show others His love by our example and our witness.

5. Division among Christians. What I mean is… I have been thinking a lot about how people can focus on the small stuff, and in the process, lose the big picture. Everyone has their “thing” in worshipping. Some people are rules people and really get into following the law of scripture or tradition. Some people like certain types of prayer or devotions. Some people really focus on forgiveness and try to reach out to the wounded. I guess I have been learning more how there is a place and a need for all of those. And I feel like, though it is tough, we would be in such a better place if we used all our strengths to unite us rather than to pull us apart. I mean, ultimately, we are all trying to do what we think is right and what is building the kingdom. And God needs all kinds… Right?

6. God’s Calling. If God asked me to hand it all over. Everything. Kinda like Job. Would I be able to do it? Just give it all up, trusting that in doing so he had a greater plan? Just a thought.

So… these are a few of the things buzzing around in my head with no where to land and no solutions in sight. I am reading a book right now called Captivating by Stasi Eldredge. It is the companion book to Wild at Heart by John Eldredge. If you haven’t read either of these, pick them up today. I had read Wild at Heart at the request of a male friend of mine. It is for men, but it gave me much insight to them. I am currently reading Captivating, for women, but it will offer you much insight to the female heart. These books touch on some of the stuff I was talking about regarding our sexuality (masculinity/femininity). Great stuff!

I miss all of you and have been praying for you. The plan as of now is that we will be in Brissy for the next 3 weeks. I should get our yearly schedule soon and be able to let you know more. Also, please know that now that we have moved into Host homes, I will have limited access to phone and email, so please don’t think I am ignoring you or not trying to keep up. We just have packed schedules and are trying to be considerate of our host homes. Thank you for understanding and I will continue to do my best to keep in touch. I will put up pics soon.

My Testimony

From the NET Application.

2. Recount in detail HOW and WHEN it was that you came to know Jesus in a more personal way?

From the time I was a small child, my house has been very faith-filled. My mother is Baptist and my father is Catholic. I was raised in the Catholic Church, but attended the Baptist church through fifth grade. While many people see mixed faith backgrounds as a challenge, I have always felt that getting to experience worship in a variety of manners as a child broadened my horizons and strengthened my relationship with Christ. As a small child, I remember finding joy in memorizing scripture and singing hymns at Sunday school and learning the richness of the sacraments in CCD.

When I was 7, my mom and I were attending a Christian concert at the Baptist church. NewSong was playing the song, Arise My Love. Even as a child I was struck by the words, “Arise my Love, Arise my Love. The grave no longer has a hold on you. No more death sting, no more suffering. Arise, Arise, my Love.” In the song, these words are being sung by God to His Son, calling Him out of the grave. However, deep in my heart, I felt God singing these words to me, calling me to rise out of my chair, out of my comfort zone, and go farther. In that moment, I felt so intensely the life that God offered. A life so beautiful, pure and rich in comparison with the lies of the world. I left the concert confident that God had chosen me for something special.

The seed was planted, but as can sometimes happen, my attentiveness to the call was overtaken by the daily happenings of life. For the next 10 years, I maintained a Godly lifestyle. I listened to Christian music, attended church regularly, attended a Christian summer camp, and grew in my faith.

When I was 16, I had the opportunity to participate in an overseas trip to Europe with 70 fellow students from my high school. We traveled to nine different countries, and it was by far the most incredible experience of my life to date. During the trip, I was able to experience first hand the beauty and universality of the Catholic Church. The chaperone I had been assigned was Catholic, as were several members of our group. We attended a Latin mass with Gregorian chants in Venice, encountered the enormity of St. Peters in Vatican City, and attended confession at Notre Dame Cathedral in Paris. As incredible as all these experiences were, there is one in particular that would lead to the greatest change thus far in my life.

While in Rome, we visited the Basilica of St. John Lateran. According to church tradition, the Scala Sancta (Holy Stairs) is the staircase leading to the praetorium where Jesus was arraigned before Pilot. It is said that these steps were sanctified by his blood as he was scourged, the wood of the steps soaking up His precious blood. Catholics from all over the world travel to this parish to honor Christ’s sacrifice by climbing the steps on their knees while praying the rosary.

Our chaperone, my friend Sarah, and I climbed these stairs. Sarah had a muscular disease that left half her body a bit weak. Side by side, we climbed the stairs. While I climbed them with ease, Sarah worked to pull herself up each stair. As we neared the top, Sarah broke down in tears. Concerned that she was hurt, I asked her what was wrong. She told me she felt so overwhelmed by the gifts that Christ had given her. She had been so blessed, and yet she constantly took His gifts for granted. He had bled for her sins and shortcomings, and yet she often forgot things as simple as praying before a meal he provided. I was so ashamed. Sarah was one of the finest people I knew, yet she was so humble, acknowledging how small she and her good deeds were in the light of Christ’s sacrifice. At that moment, I was overwhelmed with the gift of Wonder and Awe. In awe of her faith, I wanted what Sarah had more than anything else in the world.

For the rest of the trip, I was keenly aware of an irritation in my soul—a gnawing feeling that there was so much more than even all the incredible things I was experiencing at that moment. Something greater than all the world had to offer. Not only could I not shake the feeling, but I didn’t want to. More than anything, I wanted to find the filler for the hole that was suddenly so apparent in me. So when I returned home, I began to seek.

I began to take notice of those around me who seemed to possess the same joy I had witnessed in Sarah. I saw this same joy in several friends of mine who were involved in our parish youth program. One friend in particular invited me to attend a Search retreat. This was a weekend filled with prayer, small group experiences, mass, confession, friends, fellowship and all things wonderfully and uniquely Catholic.

I was 17 when I attended this retreat. I can remember the exact date: September 21, 1997. It was Saturday evening, and we were being led in a reconciliation service. As part of this service, team members were available to pray with us before or after we went to reconciliation. As I prepared for confession, I was feeling so embarrassed and ashamed. A friend of mine on the team prayed with me that Christ would open my heart and that I would feel God’s incredible love for me as he opened his arms to me through the sacrament.

I went to confession that evening with a spirit of openness and humility. While in confession, I was overcome with such incredible recognition of God’s greatness. Overwhelmed by his awesomeness and even more aware of my smallness and insignificance than ever before, I burst into tears. My shoulders shook, and I could not hold back the sobs as all of the brokenness inside of me screamed, calling itself to my attention. I was so ashamed as I saw all of my failings, my shortcomings, and my humanity standing in the presence of the purity of our Lord.

In my mind’s eye, I fell to the floor, cowering at His feet, hiding my face in shame. Yet something inside me was so drawn to him. I found myself peeking through my hands with a childlike curiosity. I was so filthy, yet his face was full of love. I received my absolution and went up stairs to my room. Beside my bed, I knelt on the floor. Words of adoration spilled from my lips. I sang. I laughed. I cried. I babbled excitedly... I surrendered. Fully and completely. I handed my life, my talents, my future, and my past over to my Savior. To my Lord. On that day, Christ became the Lord of my life. The motivator for all I am and all I long to be. I cannot explain it fully, except to say that in that moment, I received God’s grace in a tangible way. He took away my heart of stone and gave me a heart of love. When I ran up those stairs, I was my own, and when I returned downstairs an hour later, I was fully and completely His.